Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Four Seasons: An Asthmatic's Review

Just so I didn't just make a small update, a shitty little post and then a vague, slightly ominous message left on the front page. So what's been happening? Well, I have asthma, not like I just caught it, but in general, and the penultimate season of the year in Australia has decided to catch up to me and beat me to a pulp, leaving my nose dripping, my head sore and my words disjointed. The idea of a violent attack is not so bad since I often have my inhaler to keep any kind of serious problem at bay, but the condition known as hayfever (or in my circumstances, ay'veiv-errrr) has destroyed me completely, but Spring isn't the only season I complain about constantly, well, and all the others.

Fuck You, Nature!
Whilst not a direct conflict, Summer is often filled with a much more dangerous foe and that's when it comes to trying to keep cool. Going for a swim isn't too bad as long as you have a good thick layer of sunscreen on you and your breathing doesn't go haywire the second you're underwater. The macho youth equivalent of diving competitions, the 'I can hold my breath longer than you' contest was always a favourite which I would lose constantly due to my lack of being able to hold my breath for a long time. So whenever I would go to the beach (which would not always be often), I would probably be tossed by a wave and not expecting it, the second I may have had for air would be like spilling all your water in the desert, except for a few drops to go by. But whilst not directly related to summer, swimming in the other months seems just ludicrous or even more troublesome due to the weather.

Then again, there's always a silver lining.
Autumn may be the only season to get a possible pass for my asthma, especially also considering my birthday is during the, what is considered, wet months. I think once those leaves change colour I find a solace in the rain, being stuck inside, having a good reason to just watch movies and play video games, I think the psychological bond of enjoying the rain and playing something inside has just stuck with me, I even just enjoy the sound of rain, or announcement. The second that meteorologist pops on TV, pointing at little digital rainclouds or suns and saying tomorrow, it will be cloudy or a chance of rain, I always hope that bastard is right...which he rarely is. The worst I can say about autumn is the chances of getting caught in the rain are definitely more frequent and my apprehension about being wet and in the rain makes me always feel as though every house I walk past is having a party and I've just not been invited. The lights on and any pleasant noise or jovial shadow passing the window makes me feel as though I could become an emo troll and just fall down right now and wait for the rain to stop, but my fighting spirit to get home keeps me going, at least until the cold sets in.
Visual representation of wet me

Winter. Oh Winter. Fuck Winter. I hate winter. The time when you get the flu shot and the time where my hatred for the cold is piqued. The second I hear about June coming up I immediately find any and all warm clothes I have. Jeans, coats, ugg boats, thermal socks, thermal underwear, any reason to not get the flu...and yet every year, I get the flu shot and I still get the flue. I'm assured by friends and relatives alike that with my 'condition' that in the event that I do get the flu it won't be as bad as it used to be, when I was younger. But the thing is I've probably blocked those memories out so much that they've been filed under where did I leave my kids and how good The Blues Brothers is, so I just bite my lip, curse under my breath about the shot and the fact the woman who has given it to me is nothing like nurses in pornos or films and just go about my day.
And yet before August closes on us all, I'm in bed, my head a blur, my eyes filled with any form of cough syrup, flu medication and blanket I can get my hands on. I hope that one day I just don't overdose on the stuff trying to get myself better before a deadline. I've always felt illness as an annoyance which I can't deal with. With flies, I could just squish them, with annoying people I can just walk away or tell them to fuck off, but illness takes time, it's like a novel, you just have to cuddle yourself up with and lie down and just deal with it until you fall asleep or it's over.
Of course anyone in the Northern Hemisphere or just not near a coastal town knows that Winter is beautiful with the snow falling and the people being merry with bits of hot chocolate and loving one another, well you know what, I've never seen real snow and you know what sets off asthma from time to time, chocolate and more specifically, dairy, so fuck you.
The world is cruel....and delicious
And finally spring, where we are now. An undying hatred, but not like that of Winter. Winter is cold, winter you can stay inside, but with Spring, it's beautiful outside. Even now as I sit staring out my window, I see a flawless blue sky, several trees lining the skyline just swaying in the coolest breeze as birds land softly against the branches and here I am inside looking like the sickest and dirtiest person in the world, covered in tissues and in my underwear, something I only let doctors, my parents or close friends see, if they can bear it.
But look outside in the glorious sun light beaming down (and not as hot as summer) and all I can think of is how my whole face will turn bright red like a teen anime character who's seen his first pair of breasts. My nose will begin to burn right red from the hankerchiefs and tissues I've filled till the brim and soaking till I will have tossed them aside in furious anger. My mind will be sore with headaches from blowing said nose, loudly, booming, and thumping headaches that every sneeze compliments to shake my core and hyperbolic metaphors which cause me to write incessantly on a pointless subject.
There is only one thing I can enjoy about spring and that's the fruit. Spring has the best fruit and whilst I'm sure they come every few months and I barely notice them, certain fruits just pop up and my heart swims with every single wet bite into their flesh. Nectarines, peaches, plums, apricots, all blossoming in the sunshine and I devour them with all my might. I was so craving for them today, I went and saw Skyline (Worst. Movie. Of 2010) and I brought in 5 Apricots into the cinema (fuck paying $10 for food at a movie) and I actually fell asleep in the theatre because I was so tired...because of the hayfever...probably.
A movie as bad as hayfever
So yeah, being an asthmatic not exactly great. Can't do sports, can't swim for too long, can't go outside, can't eat chocolate whenever, which leads me to come to the conclusion life isn't so bad. People have it a lot worse than me, some people have no noses (like He Who Shall Not Be Named) and some people can't even breathe without a hyperbaric chamber or pump, and all I have is a manageable affliction. I still have an internet connection, a loyal internet fanbase of 20 people, even when I barely post anything, whoever you guys are I love you from the depths of my heart. So I am taking a break right now, that's not a lie but anything I find I will share when I can, but for now, here is my critique of the year broken down into the 4 sections which separate them apart and whilst my experience as an individual may not be shared, I felt like I needed to get this off my chest...which is now swimming with mucus and a lot of antihistamine...probably should get myself checked out.
Oh tell me it's bad news.